If I Didn't Know Any Better (warning...a bit graphic)

If I didn't know any better, I'd say that I were pregnant. I am extremely fatigued, have lower abdomen cramps (kind of sharp at intervals, but mild throughout the day), and my bosom is sensitive and beginning to get sharp pains also (slowly but surely).

I have been pregnant before and these (along with a couple of other signs, which I have now) signs were almost totally missed by me. I noticed them and kept track of them, but since I had been having amenorrhea, I supposed that I had also been anovulatory. These are just a few of the lovely symptoms of PCOS. A while back when "it" happened, I wrote down all the problems I had been having, and I was prepared to visit my doctor soon. I had been cramping for about two months, and had the sensation of ground glass being crushed and fireworks sparking in my bosom. I was also severly fatigued, and my foot and fingers were very swollen...yes, that early. I was also very moody. Then, one day, after baby dancing, I began cramping and bleeding severely. I thought that, since I had been suffering amenorrhea for about 7 months, this was how it had to happen to get on track again (this is what doctors always say, anyway). I still dont know why, but, the next day, I took a pregnancy test, expecting to see a big fat negative. Within the first three seconds after placing the stick down, I saw one line pop up that I had never seen before...then the next line. Ladies, I jumped up and down, whooping, then got on my knees and thanked the Lord profusely. It was after all of this that I remembered "Wait. What about this cramping and bleeding?" I became very fearful. Immediately, I made and appointment with the doctor and my pregnancy was confirmed. But there was nothing on the ultrasound..nothing. The doctor, patted my shoulder and said that it was probably a "spontaneous abortion." The doctor also said that the baby could be in my tubes, so I should take a shot to induce miscarriage just in case. I refused and decided to wait on the Lord. For the next week and a half, they tracked my shady HCG levels, which were taking their time, creeping up. I held out hope while also holding my breath. Then, one day, the HCG levels began to creep down. I wanted to burst out of the office, and run and scream without ceasing for the rest of my life (remember Forrest Gump?).

But that was that story.

I have spent the past few weeks focusing on the stories of Hannah, Sarah, Rachel, and Rebekah. It is from these stories that I realize God never fails in His promise. I just have to wait on His time. Our trials and adversaries are not really about us. They are about Him; they are about His strength. In the midst of our suffering, our faith in God is strengthened. However, in order to stand in the faith of God, we have to fall first.

I continually ask myself "What is it that God needs me to do in the meantime?" I believe that, maybe, it is just so that I am not yet ready to receive certain blessings from God. I know that He is an On-Time God and would never give a gift prematurely. Like Hannah, my womb may be closed. So it also goes for our proverbial wombs. If our "wombs" are closed, we cannot receive. We cannot receive God's grace. We may be too distracted to receive our gifts just yet. So, when our "wombs" open, at that perfected time, it is then that we are receptive.


The day I met my husband, five years and some odd months ago, I went home and told myself to forget about him because he was not someone I could really see myself with. Yet, I spent the weekend thinking about him. Sunday night, I dreamed that we were in the hospital and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Funny thing is, in my dream, I fell off the bed laughing, in the middle of giving birth, and had to be helped up. My entire family was there to greet our tiny blessing. This dream felt so real that, to this day, I sometimes wonder if it did not really happen. Anyway, I look forward to the day that I can tell my daughters or sons that I longed for them from the very start.

Ladies, I want to ask you to please pray for me and my family.

Autumn is not near, but it is nearly near...lol

Good morning!

It is probably too early to start thinking of fall when I should be enjoying the season of summer. It is true, every season does have its merit. However, one can never be too prepared! Ever since I was a little girl, I have always prepared for things days, weeks, and, sometimes, months ahead of time. After my first trip out of the country, which was to Jamaica when I was five years old, I spent every night whispering in the dark about revisiting. I talked to my self, I talked to my brothers (although they had probably been long asleep), and I talked to my stuffed animals about the things I would brings, the things I would do when I got there, and the placed I would go. Every day, for two years, I would pack and unpack my small bag, always eliminating something or adding something new--forever rehashing and perfecting my plan.

This was the type of child that I was. I did not like to leave anything to chance. However, there are different ways of preparing. There is the type of preparation that says "I take my destiny into my own hands." This type of preparation is done by those who rely solely on themselves, those who trust their own judgment. They, like (the old) me, like to leave nothing "to chance." I say "leave nothing to chance," but what I really mean is "they like to leave nothing to God." They don't trust Him enough to show faith in Him and to trust that He will carry them through anything. Then there is the type of preparation that one does when he or she puts his or her trust in the Lord and the Lord's promises. The person who prepares in this way is the one who does what is humanly possible and necessary (like the Proverbs 31 woman) and leaves the rest up to the Lord. This person is a prayerful person, a person who loves to harness new skills and increase her talents (Matthew: 25:: 13-29). This is the person who make supplications to the Lord and prepares herself to receive her blessings. She, looking forward to the blessings that God has promised her, and, knowing that they WILL come, prepares to receive them.

The latter is the type of preparation that I, as a born again Christian, perform. This year, as a new homemaker, I am so blessed and so delighted to have a husband and a home to care for. I prepare for every season. Autumn is my favorite season to prepare for. To me, autumn is the most enjoyable season, with its mild weather, colorful scenery, flavorful bounty, and clean, crispness of the air.

I plan to redecorate. Right now, my living room is a summer floral. It is decorated in pinks and yellows. For the cooler seasons, I plan to put a warm-colored slipcover on the sofa, add some plush throw pillows, a few throws for snuggling up, warm colored drapes, my plush and comfy rug, candles with yummy scents, and those small details. My small details are things like changing out my book stack and replacing them with "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books and other heart warming books, making my pine cone babies and sticking them all over (I will show you that when I make them this year), pulling out the warm bed linen/quilts and displaying them nicely over a quilt rack or on the bed, etc. I love doing those things around our house. I also begin scouring thrift stores for new items still in the package or crocheting wearables. These things I put in my "gift pantry," which is just a small shelf in the hallway linen closet.

What preparations do you ladies make before the turn of the season?

MY FIRST BLOG. MY FIRST POST

Hello everyone. This is my very first blog. I was shy of doing this for years, but I do see the importance of having something to say and saying it (yes, it is that simple). Let me introduce myself. My name is Sarah, and, as I have stated, I am a daughter of the Most High God. I am 22 years old and a newlywed. I was married at the end of 2008. I am a full-time homemaker, although I do not yet have any children. In this blog, I will most likely discuss cooking recipes, cleaning tips, household cleaner recipes, emotions, homemaking, family, my husband, life, lessons, my faith, femininity, and the desire for children. Ladies, I have probably been a silent follower of your blogs for years and may have posted anonymously on them. Well, I will no longer be doing that, because I decided to come out of the shadows and face you ladies.

I am a born again Christian; I am a baby Christian. I was not raised with religion, nor was I raised to be a homemaker. These things, I will discuss later, also. I hope you ladies will enjoy my blog!

Oh, pardon me. If there are any gentlemen reading my blog, I hope you will enjoy it as well. And I hope you will gain some insight into the feminine mentality. lol. Bless you.